Damn It Rains A Lot Here. Glad I Like Reading in Bed.

It's almost not April anymore, and my homework for the month is nearly done. Given the enormous amounts of time I was unable (unwillingly) to go outside because the weather was bat-shit crazy, I would have expected to have read a lot more. But I didn't. Instead I read these books, and they were all entertaining, smart, and fun. Enjoy. (The red title is the Pick of the Month!)

Mennonite in a Little Black Dress: A Memoir of Going Home by Rhoda Janzen is absolutely amazing. I want Rhoda Janzen to quit whatever she is doing right now and go write more books! After her husband of 15years leaves her for a guy named Bob that he met on gay.com, and she is severely injured in a car accident, Janzen returns home to her Mennonite parents for physical and emotional recuperation. In telling the story of her mid-life repair, she retraces her upbringing in the conservative Mennonite religion (they're the ones that wear the little white doily-ish hats) and her recounting is both hilarious and wise. Janzen, who left the Mennonites to pursue academia, nonetheless has a warm, funny story to tell about how her parents chose to raise her, how the church's strict beliefs shaped her strengths, and how she ultimately found comfort in the traditions and community of Mennonites as she rebuilds her life (i..e begins dating: "In my opinion sexiness comes down to three things: chemistry, sense of humor, and treatment of waitstaff at restaurants." Amen, Sister Rhoda.) In the end, I appreciated--admired, really--Janzen's ability to love her family and respect their faith while choosing another path.

My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands by Chelsea Handler is as funny as the previous book, but in an entirely different way. This is one of those books I picked up at Goodwill, and then decided to read because Mennonite in a Little Black Dress was so funny and I needed another funny book as a follow-up and I was on Spring Break and therefore, unable/willing to read anything academic or erudite. And Handler is funny. She's also lewd and ridiculous, politically incorrect and occasionally disgusting, and if she's really had all the one-night stands she writes about in this book, then ew. Nevertheless, super funny if you like reading about other people's regrettable sexual exploits, which I do. Read it if you're in a funk and need to feel better about yourself. I felt like a virgin again by the time I was done with it.

I grabbed Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea, at the airport after my initial dose of Handler's deliciously gross humor. Unbeknownst to me, this book turned out to be the perfect choice, once I discovered that I was seated next to hairy-armed, bulgy-eyed man reading Anger Management for Dummies who looked like the Phillip Seymour Hoffman character from the Todd Solodnz movie Happiness (which, if you haven't seen, do NOT go watch it and then call me up and me how sick and disgusting it is and break off being friends with me. I repeat: I did NOT recommend this movie).  In addition to hogging our mutual armrest and intruding into my personal no-fly zone for the entire trip, Anger Management Man also indulged his tic of rubbing his dry palms together every 2-3 minutes. During snack time, he funneled his bag of treats into his mouth from above, spilling a portion down his shirt, and then dove for the crumbs, rustling around between his manboobs until he retrieved a half a pretzel and a fuzz-covered peanut. I mentally rehearsed my Emergency List of Ways This Could Be Worse:  I could have a horrible facial deformity. I could be dirt poor. I could have a bunch of children. Thankfully, I have none of these, but I do have Chelsea Handler, and I thank her.

The Uncoupling by Meg Wolitzer has been reviewed a great deal lately, in People and Entertainment Weekly,among other sources, so there's a good chance you've heard the buzz. The gist is this: a new, funky drama teacher arrives in Stellar Plains, and chooses the Greek play Lysistrata by Aristophanes as the high school's performance. In the play, the women of Greece band together to bring an end to war by refusing to have sex with their men until peace is attained. In Stellar Plains, the production of the play has a mysterious effect on the town's residents: the popular, married high school English teacher couple finds their intimacy disrupted; the heavy, long-married guidance counselor stands up to her thoughtless husband, and even the teenage girls are denying sex to their bewildered boyfriends. The events lead them all to examine themselves and their relationships with one another; a fun, smart book.

 Boys and Girls Like You and Me by Aryn Kyle.

Bunches of people won't read poetry because it makes them a) think of black berets and b) feel dumb. Also, a lot of poetry seems pretentious and full of itself, which it is, and why waste time complicating your life reading it when you can shut the door and spend 10 minutes taking a happy nap with Penthouse Forum instead? Short stories can seem a bit like poems, only longer, and they have characters and dialogue and sex scenes. The best short stories showcase the best a language has to offer: original word combinations, humor, subtlety, and cleverness. Aryn Kyle's collection joins my list of favorite short stories for eactly these reasons.

Muscle: Confessions of an Unlikely Bodybuilder by Samuel Wilson Fussell is mentioned on my other blog because I 've been doing a lot of weight-lifting and strength-training as I prep for a summer of triathlons, and in doing so, have become fascinated by the way bodies change in different ways in response to exercise. Fussell, an Oxford-educated writer, decided to pursue body-building in the late 80s after being harrassed repeatedly on the streets of New York City. At 6'4" and 170 pounds, he's a stickly target. Over the next two years, he progresses from this waifishness to competitive body-building stature, gaining over 80 pounds, and offers an insider's view of the steroid-and-body-oil fueled gyms of the 80s.

Modern Ranch Living by Mark Jude Poirier is this month's missing-person novel. A teenage Sharpie-huffing loser named Petey Vaccarino disappears one summer from a Phoenix suburb, but the real focus of the story is on two characters with whom he's loosely connected: his neighbor Merv, a 30-year-old Splash World Water Park employee who still lives at home with his mother, and Kendra Lumm, a 16-year-old weightlifter who occasionally slept with the missing boy. Both of these characters are transformed by the events of this summer, but only in part due to Petey's disappearance, and their stories are the catalyst for a funny, insightful examination of what it means to develop, change, and struggle to discover what our potential is and how to reach it. I loved reading this book--Kendra is tough, funny, and grammar-challenged; her interactions with her mother, her wimpy older brother, her classmates, and the therapist she is forced to see results in some of the wittiest, most original dialogue I've read.

Why Manners Matter: The Case for Civilized Behavior in a Barbarous World by Luncinda Holdforth is a short, provocative argument in favor of manners--voluntary social agreements to adhere to certain rules of behavior. A brief summary of her main arguments:  Manners matter because 1) we are social animals with habitat to protect; 2) they are more important than laws because they are less invasive and better than social confusion; 3) they nurture equality; 4) order matters for freedom; 5) rudeness won't make us authentic; manners aren't just for right-wing bigots; manners advance social progress; 6) McDonald's doesn't own matters (you definitely have to read this chapter to get what her point is here); and 7) they give us dignity by improving communication, preventing premature intimacy, unlocking our humanity and making life beautiful. Teachers and parents take note.

I Knew a Woman by Cortney Davis is a nurse practioner's account of working with women over the course of her career and what she has learned about women's bodies as a result. Davis follows the cases of four clients--a pregnant teenager, a drug-addicted mother, a post-menopausal woman with cancer, and a thirty-something woman whose past, when uncovered, reveals the reason behind her sexual problems. Following each woman's story is sort of like watching an episode of Grey's Anatomy or House--a medical drama unfolds gradually and suspensely, and we learn something about medicine in the process. Davis is a gifted writer who has written books of poetry, and her talent for prose makes this a fascinating and thoughtful read.